25 facts

In just under a month I will be what I describe as, ‘officially old’. Or in other words, 26.

To celebrate commiserate this, I thought I’d jump on the recent blogger bandwagon and share 25 facts about me:

1. I was named after tennis legend Steffi Graf, which has led to me being the awkward person who has to introduce herself as “Stefanie with an ‘f'”

2. Although Momma Keeling’s first knowledge of this spelling was thanks to 1970s page 3 girl, Stefanie Marrian… I don’t take after my initial namesake, but I’m not too shabby at tennis – swings and roundabouts

3. I don’t have a middle name, so to correct the matter, in primary school I gave myself two – Olivia Louisa

4. I rarely cry about anything to do with real life, but films, TV series and anything animal-related (dogs especially) can make me sob in a second

5. Because of 4. both Eight Below and Hachi: A Dog’s Tale made me cry so much that they had to be turned off for more than an hour until I had calmed down

6. My geography is appalling – I was convinced Carlisle was in Scotland purely on the basis that Robert Carlyle was Scottish, Durham was the capital of Newcastle, and may have even asked what county I was in at uni while wearing my Staffordshire University hoody

7. Because of 6. I taught myself all the states of America and am currently attempting to learn all of the counties in England

8. I’m an extremely nervous critter and suffer from mild anxiety, which led me to have a panic attack on a night out in Birmingham because there were too many people in the club

9. My food heaven would be either seafood or steak (or both together) and my absolute food hell is fruit – I will not and do not eat any of it. Ever

10. I once asked a worker in a Tesco in Weymouth where the oatcakes were and only then realised that they were a Stoke delicacy

11. Apparently I say ‘cookie’ in a very amusing, Stokie way

12. I am amazing at doing a scouse accent and have a tendency to go slightly Liverpudlian when angry

25 facts

13. My favourite tipple (apart from champagne) is the ever so classy Blue WKD. I’m now in my mid-twenties but still love it

14. I have only been drunk around five times (if that) and my first ever hangover was last summer. I was convinced I was going to die – how do people constantly do it?!

15. I met Jimmy Carr when I worked as a Christmas temp in HMV and have interviewed McBusted, Simon Webb, Ritchie Neville, Adam Rickett, Gareth Gates and Suzanne Shaw

16. I chose to study Journalism on a whim when filling out my UCAS form. I originally toyed with the idea of being a barrister or in the police

17. I had a gap year before university, but instead of going travelling and/or finding myself, I worked as an administrator for a drain company – Eat Love Pray your heart out

18. The day I left Phones 4u is still up there as one of the saddest, most shocking days of my life, but I believe everything happens for a reason and life goes on

19. My icon is Carrie Bradshaw – writing a column in a New York apartment surrounding by lots of shoes is the dream. But with a Miranda personality instead. And Berger

20. Although my other icons are Joey Potter and Ally McBeal – deep aren’t I…

21. My biggest fears are clowns and sharks. Or any situation involving both. I have been known to scream and run away from clowns, and I don’t go in the sea or get into empty swimming pools in case the hotel has a pet shark (you never know)

22. I am exceptionally foul-mouthed. Swearing is a very large part of my vocabulary, despite it not becoming of a lady – f*@k it

23. I’ve very particular about the order of things – everything has to be either categorised into rainbow, alphabetical or chronological orders. I think it’s an only child thing… or a psychopath thing

24. My temper is extremely short – I have been known to stomp my feet in a rather fraught argument with a lecturer, use a fork as a weapon, and bounce a ballpoint pen off somebody’s head. I am, however, much calmer nowadays. Ish

25. I am happiest when I’m in my pyjamas , watching horror films on Netflix with the boyf. and the dog, and pigging out on sweeties. In other words, I’m a simple things in life kinda gal tramp

And there you have it, 25 facts about me. Now, does that count as enough to stop me from turning 26?

– love Stef x

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Spratt Says: Signs you’ve been single for too long…

Spratt SaysHaving been single now for the better part of a year, it’s safe to say I’ve started to get comfortable.

And, while being single certainly has its benefits, like being able to dodge the  mood swings and nagging while making the most of the free time to do whatever the hell you like, it does have drawbacks.

You start to adjust to your single status, and like a job applicant with gaps in their CV, red flags are raised when you finally put yourself back on the market.

Here are five signs you’ve been single too long:

1 . You’ve exhausted all available options on Netflix: Your Saturday nights consist of Pringles, multipacks of dip from Waitrose and episodes of Pokemon and Prison Break in the comfort of your bedroom, instead of going out and actually socialising.

2. Your standards in women plummet: When you actually do go out and socialise, you drink so much you wake up with a dodgy nightclub stamp that requires battery acid to remove, and shame. Slightly overweight shame.

3. Your friends begin to take pity on you: Every one of your coupled up friends begin to either set you up on a blind date (“She’s perfect for you. Honest”) or they invite you on their own dates/double dates, leaving you to sit at the end of the table like the lonely 3rd/5th wheel that you are.

4. Going to a wedding is a soul destroying experience: Spending hundreds of pounds on travel, a new suit and a gift… Netflix, Pringles and dip are all available for under a tenner.

5. You get a cat:  “Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur… happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.” At some point you’ll buy a pet to love you back, be it a cat, dog or goldfish, but before you go running into a pet shop, know one thing… girls think men who have a cats are weird.

 

*EDITOR’S NOTE: Amen*

Love, relationships & dating: What I’ve learnt so far…

So it happened. I turned 25 and technically at my age and current romantic status, I’m somewhat classed as ‘on the shelf’ – oh goody.

Having said that, as a newly single person I’ve been thrown into the ‘Dating Game’ without really having any prior knowledge or experience – constantly being in relationships for nearly a decade leaves you slightly lacking on what is the social norm.

But, through my relationships and recent singledom I have so far learnt the following things:

1. Teenage relationships/first loves are generally psychotic

My first actual relationship was at age 17 with a lad I met on a summer’s day through mutual college friends. Hormones were rife, drama was daily and the easiest way to sum the year-long partnership up is simply, psychotic. One day said lad promptly disappeared without us having actually broken up – technically we’re still together, 8 years going strong.

2. Telling people you dated your boss gives the wrong impression

Even if you were only a Christmas temp, worked together for a mere eight weeks and were a couple for five years – despite all of these factors, people will immediately assume you’re that kind of girl…

3. Parents can get a little too involved

It’s always nice when your parents approve of your boyfriend, it makes life easier. My parents, however, got what I can only describe as ‘attached’ to a particular ex – so much so that even though we’d broken up, he remained living with us for a further five months. #Awkward.

4. Accidental homewrecking happens

That sounds worse than I intended, but bear with me. Both of my more recent exes were in relationships when I met them, and though I certainly didn’t have anything to do with either of them while they were with their respective partners, not everyone you meet will always be single.

Dating Game

5. Just do what feels right at the time

I’d known my last boyfriend for seven years before we finally got together. Two months into the relationship, I moved out of my parents house and into my own flat – with the boyfriend in tow. Everyone thought it was mental and far too fast, and maybe it was, but at the time it worked and we both wanted to – so why not? There isn’t a life blueprint we’re supposed to follow, so as far as I see it, do what you want.

6. Work and pleasure don’t mix

Ever. Unless you both know exactly what you a) want, and b) are doing, do not do it. Although you’re never really meant to regret anything in life (everything is a lesson, blah blah) we all make mistakes. But seeing said mistake everyday from 9 to 5 is not what you want.

7. Dating is not like Sex and the City…or any other TV show or film

There’s no closet filled with designer clothes that you get to model night after night, from one swanky bar to the next. There certainly isn’t an unlimited supply of Jimmy Choos or Louboutins and there most definitely isn’t a swarm of handsome Prince Charmings waiting to woo you.

8. Sitting in your pants eating Pringles and watching Netflix is frowned upon

When you’re in a relationship, staying in and watching telly is socially acceptable. When you’re single, it’s considered a little sad. Apparently I should be ‘putting myself out there’ and letting my friends who are in relationships live through me as I recount my dating escapades. But all I really want to do is sit in my pants of an evening, feast on Pringles and watch everything on my Netflix list.

9. Men and women can never be ‘just friends’

As demonstrated here. The naive amongst us will inevitably experience what is apparently known as a ‘classic smash and pie’ by someone you thought was a) a friend, and b) genuine. Pick yourself up, learn from it and above all, never let it happen again. Men are never in it for the friendship and the sooner you discover that, the easier (and shittier) the world becomes.

10. Be happy

The most important thing I’ve learnt in the last ten years is that you should always put your happiness first. I know that I deserve to be happy regardless of my romantic status. I was in a relationship and I was happy – as soon as I wasn’t and I knew it couldn’t be fixed, I got out of it. I’m single, and although I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m rolling with it. I’m not going to spend this time pining for Mr Right, I’m just going to be happy.

– love Stef x