Valentine’s Day Guide for Men: Worst. Gifts. Ever.

We all know V-day is fast approaching, so why is it men like to forget about this holiday – and worse still, give you crappy gifts that you’re expected to appreciate?

I mean okay, there is some history to Valentine’s Day and whichever story you choose to believe, I can sort of understand  why men dismiss V-day and claim it was all invented by Hallmark.

But for some special reason – one can only put down to sheer laziness – men are completely and utterly rubbish when it comes to being creative with gifts. It’s not like we’re asking for the Moon or anything…

I do stand firm that I don’t need just one day to tell my boyfriend I love him, but there’s nothing wrong with going with the masses and secretly wanting the largest bouquet known to man.

Here are what I think are the worst gifts that you, my dear man, could give:

  1. Underwear. Unless I have specifically given you my sizes and preferred style, DO NOT BOTHER. Mankind needs to understand a few things, unlike their S, M, L sizing, women’s bodies are all very different. If I’m a 12 in New Look, I am not a 12 in Next, capiche? The only thing worse than receiving a size 8 that doesn’t fit, is receiving a size 14 that does. Sob.
  2. Supermarket Flowers. I’m not dissing Asda here, they do some lovely bouquets, but really, remembering to buy me flowers with the weekly shop is not cool. They’re perfectly fine for when you have done something wrong, or on a Saturday just ‘cos I’m pretty, but V-day? You have the internet. Use it.
  3. Household Items. These are already offensive as a gift unless it’s a wedding/new home present. I may have mentioned I want a blender, so buy it at any other time. If you give it to me on a birthday/Christmas, or indeed Valentine’s, your head will end up in it. Am I being clear?
  4. Chocolate. I told you I was on a diet at New Year’s?! Why don’t you listen to me? Oh… you found the biscuits…
  5. Budget Card Shop Rubbish. This means giant teddy bears that have no place in the home, ‘Horny Cheques’ and inappropriate mugs/aprons/posters. It’s 99p for a reason.

Worst. Gifts. Ever

You will notice jewellery is not on the list, because we love jewellery. It’s not tacky, or unimaginative. Tiffany & Co. have an app for a reason.

I have had some interesting gifts in my time, my first boyfriend, at the age of 15, bought me a CD (before piracy was so accessible), a red rose and a Me to You bear. Sweet right? Until he told me he forgot and his Mom had given them to him. Not so sweet.

I also had an ex who thought it appropriate to ‘owe’ me a present since I hadn’t reminded him it was Valentine’s Day. Dick.

But more recently, my first Valentine’s Day with my current boyfriend was well, an anti-climax. He professed to be oh-so-cute and liked to hand-make  cards. So, since I was usually uninterested and not particularly nice to most boyfriends in the past, I thought I would make an effort and return the favour.

Since he is Scottish, I made heart-shaped shortbread, and even hunted everywhere for a heart-shaped tin to put them in – this is a lot harder than you would think – and spent the best part of 20 minutes trying to tie a red ribbon around the odd-shaped tin.

Then, for the card, I had Google-mapped the area he was from, where I was from, and where we met in Ibiza. Cut-out said maps into heart shapes and glued them to the most expensive piece of card ever. I then went to town with the glitter glue, and I’m not going to lie, I was pretty damn impressed with my creative skills.

So the day came, I drove 300 miles to see him and gave him his gifts. What did I get? A hug. Not even joking. He took the day off work, as it was a Friday, and claimed he would take me out later. Well in my mind that was a given, yes you will bloody take me out later, now where’s my card? He forgot.

Three year’s later I remind him of that day, and I intend to never let him forget. I would’ve flipped out but well… he’s so cute…

What rubbish gifts have you recieved? Do you have a funny V-day story to tell? Get in touch!

– love Carla x

Valentine's Day

DISCLAIMER

Gifts are to be given with a card AS WELL AS being treated to a day out/meal in a restaurant, not INSTEAD OF. The restaurant is not a gift, it’s expected. And no, a takeaway will not ‘do’.