Spratt Says: Signs you’ve been single for too long…

Spratt SaysHaving been single now for the better part of a year, it’s safe to say I’ve started to get comfortable.

And, while being single certainly has its benefits, like being able to dodge the  mood swings and nagging while making the most of the free time to do whatever the hell you like, it does have drawbacks.

You start to adjust to your single status, and like a job applicant with gaps in their CV, red flags are raised when you finally put yourself back on the market.

Here are five signs you’ve been single too long:

1 . You’ve exhausted all available options on Netflix: Your Saturday nights consist of Pringles, multipacks of dip from Waitrose and episodes of Pokemon and Prison Break in the comfort of your bedroom, instead of going out and actually socialising.

2. Your standards in women plummet: When you actually do go out and socialise, you drink so much you wake up with a dodgy nightclub stamp that requires battery acid to remove, and shame. Slightly overweight shame.

3. Your friends begin to take pity on you: Every one of your coupled up friends begin to either set you up on a blind date (“She’s perfect for you. Honest”) or they invite you on their own dates/double dates, leaving you to sit at the end of the table like the lonely 3rd/5th wheel that you are.

4. Going to a wedding is a soul destroying experience: Spending hundreds of pounds on travel, a new suit and a gift… Netflix, Pringles and dip are all available for under a tenner.

5. You get a cat:  “Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur… happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.” At some point you’ll buy a pet to love you back, be it a cat, dog or goldfish, but before you go running into a pet shop, know one thing… girls think men who have a cats are weird.

 

*EDITOR’S NOTE: Amen*

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